My name’s Austin. I struggled with depression and self-harm beginning around the time I was 13. I started using drugs and alcohol to cope. It started out with weed and drinking. Within 2 years I found myself doing other drugs. I was selling weed and was using the money from selling to support my habit. Little did I know that the drugs were making my depression worse. They’d help for a while, but as soon as they wore off things were getting progressively worse. I started using uppers. I hated my life, and I liked the feeling of uppers they made me “happy” and I could talk about my feelings when I was on them. Something I never did when I was sober. I started using them daily. Things started to get worse and worse. I got kicked out and was homeless due to my use and me selling. After being on the streets, I was introduced to the fake percs, they took my pain away. Nothing could bother me when I was high on percs. Everything around me could be and was falling apart and as long as I was high, I didn’t care. I would soon find myself getting straight fentanyl. I overdosed many times but that wasn’t enough to stop me. I didn’t care I had a problem, as long as I didn’t have to feel my feelings or listen to my own thoughts. I didn’t want to hurt my family, but I didn’t care if I lived or died. I accepted the fact I was a piece of *** and didn’t deserve to live, I didn’t want to live. I was so miserable and so far from peace with myself. I ended up getting a warrant for distribution of narcotics and went to jail. In jail I thought about hanging myself. I was dope sick and depressed, so depressed, after being high every day for years detoxing in jail and having to feel my feelings and realize all the wrongs I’ve done was so hard. When I finally got out I went to rehab. I didn’t get it in the first time, I wasn’t ready. I relapsed and probation made me go back to rehab. After rehab I went to a sober living house and stayed there for 5 months. I just came home after being away for 2 and half years. I’m still on house arrest but I’m managing staying clean. It gets rough being on house arrest and being isolated. I tend to still get stuck in my head and depressed, but it’s not as bad. My mom can finally sleep at night and not have to worry when she was going to get a phone call I was in jail and dead. I don’t have to look over my shoulder and worry anymore or wonder how I’m going to get my next bag. I just turned 23 and this is the first birthday I can remember and the first birthday in years that I got to spend with my mom. One day at a time I’m getting through this. Without Juice Wrld’s music I probably would have ended so many times. I can relate to soooo many if not every one of his songs. Juice Wrld will forever be my favorite artist. Long live the legend 999 💙
