Hey there, my name is Akani, as I’m writing this, tears are running down my chin.

I’ve been addicted to weed for quite some time now. 

One year ago, my ex-girlfriend left me. She cheated on me twice after 4 years of relationship. She broke up 2 weeks before my final exams (I failed the first time, after which she called me a loser and a failure in life, so this was 3 months later when I was about to retake my exams).

My final exams time were the reason why I had panic attacks for the first time. 

When she left me, I ran thru Berlin for about an hour until I broke down and just lay at the spot I broke down at. Also, the moment where suicidal thoughts became normal from this point onward. I even see beauty in death. 

Anxiety is an issue I will face my whole life, I guess.

My friend introduced me to Juice Wrld. His music literally came at the right moment. I never listened to Juice before, even though I was a huge hip hop fan. I thought his music was too depressing. Well after listening to his music for one year straight and crying literally every day, even at work, in the gym, alone at home in bed when I go to bed and when I wake up. I never felt words more than his. I know many people feel like this, and honestly that’s the thing that makes me even sadder; to know that there are so many people suffering like me.

Honestly the only thing that helped me personally was to get out of my comfort zone as much as possible. I quit smoking weed for about 5 months, which also helped, but in the end I can’t quit forever. It’s just… I dunno, maybe just addiction…

After one year now, I feel a bit better but still struggle a lot with my anxiety and addiction. 

I hope y’all are doing good.