I’ve been dealing with depression for longer than I can actually remember. Things happened to me as a child and after that I lost some really important people in my life which all those things started my depression cycle. Before I ever thought the option to get help was available to me, I endured some abuse, dealt with abandonment issues and problems with fitting in because then, being the quiet kid was not cool and looking the way I did was not either. I became a recluse and started to self harm. I never told or showed the signs because I had lost hope for myself. Eventually I had stopped self harming when I got more into art but then I lost someone else extremely important to me in a very devastating way. I was in college then and functioning properly started to slip away. I couldn’t take care of myself, couldn’t go through classes or walk around without feeling immense anxiety and sadness. Every action and reaction felt emotionally charged. I had found out that my school offered free therapy. I fought the idea so much because I had people telling me that you shouldn’t do it. I remember the day I couldn’t take it. I felt so much shame but I ran to that office face full of tears, barely able to get a sentence out and asked to see someone. I still thank that woman for showing me that it’s okay to get help and a little guidance. That started the journey for me but eventually I left school and a few years later realized that I still needed help. The unhealthy behaviors and sadness started to creep back in and I was losing hope again. I started therapy and started on meds because I had now actually been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I started doing art not just for enjoyment but for coping and it has helped me tremendously. It’s okay to get help. If you need medical help, get evaluated by a doctor if you can. If you are younger, try to find someone you trust to speak to and that may not even be a family member (that’s totally okay). Therapy helps sometimes. It’s an option that’s worth giving a try. I want to say that every day will not be full of darkness. Some days will be a light. Take those days, hold them tight and cherish them. Look back on them on your dark days. I’m still learning every day that I deserve to be here. You do too.
