Wow I’m surprised I found this website. I’m 26 a male turning 27 a few days from now. I’m diagnosed with PTSD and Paranoid Schizophrenia. I was diagnosed at around 21 years old. As a child I was bright and joyful. As a teenager I was kind of popular and outgoing, but on the inside I had anxiety really bad. I always felt alone in my thoughts and actions but you would never know I suffered. I was very quiet and smart. My family was very supportive until their downfall (Me). I was very needy and unstable. I barely went to school and my parents would get informed. Distracting them from their jobs, we eventually became financially unstable. That’s when depression kicked in. I got a job to support my lifestyle (smoking and clothing), also any long term goals I had. I did well and became independent I believed I was doing much better to help myself and my family. Being depressed and having anxiety without having nobody to talk to is the worst. I got hit by a car, which led to me having an episode and leaving my job. My brain just turned on me. I felt unsafe in my own mind and skin. I couldn’t talk to anybody. I couldn’t throw this on family and friends. I became unsociable. Smoking became my escape, but I started to feel burnt out. I dropped out of school to get my GED. My wants and needs became desires that would torment me in ways I wouldn’t imagine. Hours would turn into seconds. I would hallucinate. It would seem like someone is after me, teasing me, bullying me. My family would struggle with me and I would seem like the center of the family’s problems. This is the around the time I got diagnosed. I cried a lot. I’ve been to psych wards a number of times, I felt evil. Like a bad person; like only this would be happening if I was a bad person. My family is still struggling to this day and we don’t live in a good house. I get SSI now, I’m in therapy, and also I don’t smoke anymore. I feel like it’s a continuous battle of the norm. Like I wouldn’t believe me out of all people would get diagnosed with this lifelong disease. It’s a battle between having episodes, love, hobbies, being financially stable, emotions and me having control over my life basically. I lost friends, family, homies as well. I have siblings that I had fights with because of my mental illness and we’re not close anymore. I also have lost all my friends and have nobody to talk to. I’m paranoid about going to college. I wasn’t going to share my story but it came to me that I should. I used to listen to Juice WRLD and a lot of other music about everyd ay. I hope someone sees this and better their life, keep your family close and stay on the right track.
