A few years ago I fell deep into substance abuse. I took anything I could get my hands on, which usually was benzos and morphine. I fell so hard for it that I couldn’t function without it. I changed so much because of it that I, for a while, completely lost all connection with reality and those closest to me. There was never a time when I wasn’t high and there wasn’t a single day where I didn’t take pills for breakfast. This behavior of mine was close to killing me so many times. If it wasn’t because of overdoses, it would be because of suicide attempts during the abstinence. What saved me was honestly music, whether I was having abstinence from speed, ecstasy, morphine, benzos or whatever I had been taking that day/night, I knew I could always turn to music. Music was always that therapist that actually listened and could relate too what I was feeling at the time. It inspired me and made me want to get better even though I was at rock bottom. I’ve hit rock bottom several times since then but always managed to climb up again. I’ve had relapses with both substance abuse and self-harm and my fair deal of attempts, but thanks to music, I’ve always found something to fight for. Every song I’ve ever added to a playlist has helped in one way or another, better than any real therapist could ever have helped. I’m almost 21 at this point and there are so many thing I’m stuck with such, as my past addictions and my face tats and whatnot, and I’m finally starting to feel like I’m on a better path. Like I actually have a bright future ahead of me. I haven’t attempted in over 6 months and I’m super glad to finally feel like this. I still have days when everything feels like shit and like nothing will get better, but then it actually gets better. I’ve talked to a few therapists at this point, and they’ve helped a little with small things, but music has always been the big reason for where I am today.
So my advice to anyone who’s stuck in a similar place to where I’ve been is that while it might always be good to seek help from a professional, it’s not always the help that you need. We’re all different and what might work for one person will not as likely work for the other. find your way to help yourself because your helping yourself is always the biggest help you can get. I know it’s gonna be hard but it will be totally worth it. If something is too easy you don’t learn from it and gain barely anything. So with that I want to say I hope anyone who’s reading this and is stuck in a hard place can find the strength to climb up. Do it for you and be proud of your progress when you look back.
