Hi, my name is Cat. I’m a recovering addict still struggling in life. I was addicted to many substances but the main one was Xanax. Both my boyfriend and I were very deep in the condition. What had just started with a little fun quickly spiraled out of control, and before I knew it, we were doing fentanyl (of course we were told it was heroin instead) and I had immediately OD’d. The next day he had OD’d and I had enough. It was too much for me. I couldn’t stand seeing him this way and I needed to get help.
I withdrew for 3 days and finally I knew I was dying. I called the Crisis Line and they told me to immediately call 911. It was the best choice I ever made, or I would not be here today. A few hours later my boyfriend, Alex, was dead. He has OD’d at a stop light and it ultimately took him from this world. I found out the news the next day in the mental hospital and my life has never been the same since. He was truly my everything, despite our shared disease with drugs and alcohol.
Though I battled a hard life growing up, being abused in every way as a child, the pain will never hurt as bad as the pain from the grief for Alex. Even with therapy and a psychiatrist I struggle with suicidal thoughts or thoughts of relapsing or self-harm. It is comforting to know I’m not alone even if it feels that way. Thank you for listening to my story. #9994L