When I was 10, I lost my father due to depression; I’ve almost lost my mom due to it and some friends I’ve lost to it. It’s like every time I think I’m finally doing well (school, work, etc.) I just get dragged down and I’m back to the start. I started to drink, smoke, and substances and therapy doesn’t really go well for me either. it’s like I create a time bomb of feelings. Once I’m done with therapy it’ll go explode and I feel the same as before. So after 4 years total in 3 different attempts to improve myself, I gave up and wanted to do it myself. I have learned that I’m the one who needs to change myself, not a therapist. So I stopped drinking and taking things and only need cigarettes and smoking, but yet I do feel the same as the beginning, but time will tell. I’m planning to go to the gym, eat better, work on my sleep schedule, and I don’t/can’t express myself, so I write it all down. I’ve also learned to accept when the times get tough, I know tomorrow is a new day. I’m only 19 so in 9 years of working on myself I feel like I’m actually trying to improve, and it keeps me going. I keep trying to go to school and work. If that doesn’t go well then I keep moving on and keep learning because it’s never too late.
