Hi, my name is Erin! I am a heart-on-my-sleeve person, so my story will be pretty honest.
I grew up with a mother who was addicted to opioid medications. My mother suffered a severe back injury from our above-ground pool, where she fell. I was there as a young child and witnessed the whole thing. After that…the mom I once had was gone. My family never got the help we fully needed growing up. It was a huge secret I carried with me growing up in a middle-class area. I felt completely isolated from my classmates. While they talked about what phones and cars they wanted, I was going to bed wondering if my mom was going to wake up in the morning. That’s just a summary of the tip of the iceberg.
Besides my upbringing, I have been through an abusive relationship in my early 20’s, and a year ago, before Christmas two years ago, I had a miscarriage. It wasn’t until a few months after my miscarriage that I finally got the diagnosis of PTSD.
Turns out, I lived a majority of my life with PTSD. I’ll be honest, it can be pretty dang hard some days. There are times I just feel…haunted. I think about things from years ago for no reason(especially at night), and no matter how many doctors tell me it’s not my fault, I still blame myself for my miscarriage. I couldn’t tell you the last time I remembered a day I felt relaxed or when my chest wasn’t tight. But you want to know something? I’m still here. And instead of being upset that it’s not fair, or how hard I had it, I think it’s about time I start making the best of it and move forward.
My mother isn’t a bad person. She was a person who was suffering, just like every person who suffers from addiction. I am happy to say, even though I am still actively battling my demons, I no longer drink! I have such a loving and supportive partner now, and I have a lot to be happy and grateful for still.
Remember that you aren’t alone. And please, take that first step like I did to start living again. I promise you there are plenty of people out there who will see and love you for who you are.
