When I was three years old I lost both of my parents in a drunk driving accident, I was taken in by my grandparents. My grandma had already raised 3 kids and my mothers death turned her into a different person. I don’t remember much from then, but over the course of my life, I watched my grandma deteriorate physically and mentally, we battled. I took care of her, my grandpa was a railroad worker and he was cheating on her most of the time anyway, lying about it and what not. When she died, I started living alone. I was a junior in high school, for my area this was strange to a lot of people. I graduated with a bad gpa, barely showed up to school most of the time, but I did it. I struggled with anxiety, depression, and bipolar severely. I’ve been on Lexapro, Bupropion, Xanax, Klonopin, basically everything that you can think of honestly. And that all started in 6th grade, I built a dependency and an addiction to it all, it was the only thing that took the bad feeling away. I’ve overdosed 4 times, been carried on a stretcher out of my apartment, had my stomach pumped, just overall really wanted to die. And it’s insane.. because I’m sitting here now, 24 years old, a baby on the way in two months, and I wouldn’t change any of it. I wouldn’t bring my parents back, I wouldn’t bring my grandma back.. I still struggle with these terrible feelings of anxiety and depression, but I wouldn’t change it. It’s me, and I’m blessed to be me. There’s not another me, and I know what I’m capable of. A lady was smoking a cigarette a little over a year ago in the apartment complex I was staying in, she was on oxygen and fell asleep and it blew shrapnel through the walls and caught the whole building on fire. I lost everything, even my little cat that I had for a year and 6 months. All my mom’s stuff, things that are irreplaceable. But my girlfriend was safe, but I was broken. At this point I was already a year clean too. I felt like god was testing me, he was testing me. I never broke, I never folded, I just kept getting stronger with everything that transpired in my life, and your son was a big key in that. I truly wish that I could have had a conversation with him. All my best wishes to everyone striving to be a better them, even on the bad days.. remember what you’re worth. 999 for life
