This October marked the third year of my divorce. Wife of five years confessed she had been unfaithful and it really sent broke me. This was my “high school sweetheart”, I girl I met since middle school and truly saw myself spending the rest of my life with. Any ways, I fell into a deep depression and I wouldn’t leave my room at all. I stopped caring a lot about myself, my self-esteem dropped a lot. I stopped finding all my old hobbies interesting. Luckily, I had my sons visit me every other week and I have not stopped picking them up after school every day of the school year so I get to see them often. They’re the reason I held on and the reason I decided a few weeks ago that enough was enough. It was apparent that I had a problem and I needed help. I went to a therapist here in town who works hand in hand with a doctor who reviewed my case and ended up saying I had severe depression. My therapist made this analogy saying imagine there are a group of people stuck in swamp and one day one of them has enough of being in the swamp and starts making his way towards the edge. He struggles to get there and occasionally even stumbles and ends up losing some of his progress. One day he sees a rope and he has a choice to make, he can keep struggling or he can grab the rope and make his way out. This person decided to take the rope and starts advancing towards the edge faster than ever before. Just as he’s about to make it out, someone calls him for help and instead of making it out before helping, he decided to give them a hand and ends up losing some of his progress. Realizing this, he focuses on making his way out before helping the rest. Once he made it out, he threw in many ropes to help them all get out, but to his surprise no one was taking the rope; they were actually throwing a party in the swamp! The person who asked for help even invited him to the party and once again, he had a choice to make. Some people fall back in, some stay out. I told my therapist that I felt like I was neck deep in the swamp and I wanted out. They asked if I was open to taking medication and I said yes. The difference was night and day. I wasn’t over thinking, I wasn’t feeling bad about my situation, I just felt a bit upset about losing the last two years to my depression. I wish I could have realized this and looked for help sooner. I don’t feel drugged, dazy, or jumpy. I just feel like myself again. I feel like I woke up from a really bad dream. I’m looking forward to making progress in my studies this year and slowly lowering the dosage eventually to the point I don’t need it any longer. That’s the goal. I had really dark days and I just want you all to know that if you keep fighting, eventually you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, as corny as that sounds.
