I am 32 years old and struggled with addiction and mental health since I was 13. It runs in my family, as I lost my dad and brother and other distant relatives from the disease of addiction. I have been sober now for almost a month, after having had five months sober and relapsing. I lost 3 friends between March and April of this year, two of them from accidental fentanyl overdose. My story is that I was adopted by my great aunt and uncle after my parents lost custody. I was raised as the only child in their home. I was very sheltered and controlled. I had everything I needed, but it was a very conservative and strict home. I turned to pot and booze at 13, after starting public school in the 7 the grade. I had been homeschooled prior. This quickly led to me drinking more, experimenting with harder drugs, and going to detention. As I got older, I was a frequent visitor to psych wards, courts, and counseling centers. I turned 18 in the detention center and went to adult jail. I got out after over a year and began using crack cocaine. In the ensuing years of my twenties, I used and drank more often being homeless. I got introduced to sobriety off and on and realized the importance of treating my mental health issues (bipolar, depression, and anxiety) in my sober periods. As time went on jails and detox places became a second home. I would get clean several months (clean close to 2 years once) and would regain a home, job, and finances. I would relapse after periods of clean time due to worry, stress, frustration, etc. These where all symptoms of my mental health. I often was suicidal and attempted it a few times. Had it not been for police, friends, and other good people that God put in my path, I know I would have died. After 2015 and 2018 things got more difficult, with amazing periods of solid sobriety followed by terrible relapses. I used more and more and got into harder drugs such as meth. I know the 12 steps work, however because when I returned this last time the people in recovery were there to welcome me back. I have lost my family due to this disease and I do not want to succumb to it. I almost did last month from using too much alcohol, meth, and crack at the same time.
I would say to anyone struggling with mental health to continue to treat it and reach out for help when things get rough. If you use drugs seek help through a higher power and reach out to rehabs, AA/NA and outpatient services, or use the information on the Live Free 999 website. Never give up no matter how many setbacks you have because we are all worth it. When recovery becomes available, things will get better one day at a time. Thank you for allowing me to share.
