Hey, my name is Myloh. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for roughly around 8 years now. I’ve gotten bullied since the 3rd grade. I struggle with substance abuse as well, as I basically just do ANYTHING that I have or can get my hands on… anything to numb my mind. I was put on medicine for my depression and anxiety, but I felt as if it didn’t work, so I just used smoking as a medicine. When I was around 2-3, my dad left my mom and I for another woman. I had to watch my mom and him argue all of the time, and see things that no 3-year-old should have to see. I’ve been through a lot of abusive relationships. I also fall for people really easily, so it messed my mind up to just get in a relationship and then get cheated on. I’ve never had a relationship where I haven’t been cheated on. After having that happen countless times, it really made me think to myself, “Am I really not enough? Will I ever get to be happy? Why am I even here?” After some of the main relationships that hurt me, I got into doing drugs. First it was smoking, and then it turned into a lot more. I have so many family issues because of my addiction. Friends have left because of it too. People don’t understand why I do them, and when I try to explain I sound crazy to them. Everyone knows me as an addict, which is a horrible thing to be labeled as. I got kicked out of school recently because of my addiction, and have also run away from home around 6 times in the last 10 months. I have family issues at home (part of the reason why I have run away). One of my best friends, one of my only true friends, passed a little over a year and a half ago to suicide. That really had me down for the longest, and is still holding me down. I can’t tell you how much I cry about him. I had a friend that I made music with who also died last year. That was also very hard on me as well. But anyway, I have really bad trust issues and anxiety. I’ve harmed myself multiple times because of it… not being able to get rid of the thoughts that someone who you thought loved you was lying the entire time. I’ve almost overdosed once, like I was seriously REALLY close. I remember after taking what I took, I felt horrible. My vision was blurry, and I couldn’t think straight. I ran straight to the bathroom and threw up for a good 30 minutes. I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor because I was so scared to go back into my room in case I needed to throw up again. The only thing that really helps with my depression and stuff is music. I make music and being able to express my feelings and emotions, and know that I’m helping people that are struggling as well, it kinda makes me happy. I love seeing others happy even when I can’t be. I’ve never had any sort of love for myself, I’ve always seen myself as not being meant to be here. A failure and a mistake. Probably left out a lot of stuff, but anyway, that’s my life.
