I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since middle school. I am now a 17-year-old high school senior, still battling the demons in my head. I’ve seen and been through it all. In 8th grade I was accused of something I supposedly did to my cousin. They didn’t find me guilty of course because I never did it. It was just my word against my cousin’s. What hurt me the most was that it was my own family who accused me. My mom did not believe me. She sided with her family. This was the first time I ever felt alone because even my own mother turned her back on me. It caused me to have suicidal thoughts, but I fortunately didn’t have the guts to do it. During this time, I also was going through a relationship heartbreak which didn’t help my case at all. I fell into a deep state of depression where I would self-harm myself. This also marks the first time I began to use drugs. I started going to therapy for a few months and it was working for awhile. I eventually got a bit better, but I still hadn’t fully recovered from that incident.
Nowadays my troubles are from relationship issues. My sophomore year, I was with this person for half a year before we broke up. A few months later I found someone better. I got with her my junior year, and we were together for over a year. Unfortunately, I was not able to hold her down and she walked out my life like everyone else did. I have severe attachment issues when it comes people. I know how it feels to become codependent and to feel alone all the time. It’s a horrible feeling, but I’ve learned to ignore it for the most part.
Music is my passion. It is my way to cope with all my anxiety aside from the drug usage. I started listening to Juice when he first started to blow up in 2018. I dug deeper into his music and instantly fell in love with it. I’ve have never listened to an artist that can make words feel so powerful. I instantly felt a connection with him. I’m thankful he can be so raw with his music. It is what made me feel like I can talk about my problems the same way Juice sang about his.
If there’s one thing I want people to take away from my story, it is to never stay quiet. If you are suffering from anxiety, depression, addictions, or anything like that, don’t be afraid to speak up. My mistake was to bottle up all my thoughts and let them drown me. I’m still trying to keep my head above the water even though it seems impossible. I would also advise to never touch any form of drugs. Drugs are powerful. To this day, I still unfortunately struggle to stop using them. But since my anxiety always gets the best of me, it’ll be a long journey before I’m able to stop using them completely.
My prayers go to all the lost souls out there. I pray that you get through whatever it is you are going through. You are not alone. If you ever feel alone, remember that you have people who love you. people who will never abandon you.
999 4L
