My name is Taylor. I work as a waitress at a club, and I went in on my birthday to work. I was supposed to have friends waiting on the go ahead to come and help celebrate with me; instead, I had one of the most overwhelming anxiety attacks I’ve had in a while. I called my best friend, and roommate, to get dropped off to my job because I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t write, I couldn’t drive. She has seen me have quite a few really bad ones like this, and said she could hear it in my voice, and that she was on her way for me. When I approached my manager asking for a moment of his time to explain that I needed to leave, and that I was having an anxiety attack I was drilled with questions as to “why I was having an anxiety attack, what happened, well there has to be a reason”- and I was just so overwhelmed because, how do you explain to someone who doesn’t suffer from depression and/or anxiety- the unpredictable-ness and crippling pain in your chest and inability to speak clearly, definitely inability to explain why; like I don’t know why, nothing has necessarily happened at this moment, im not sure what triggered it at that time, all I knew was that I wasn’t going to be able play it off like everything was okay. I tried to work through it, I wanted to work, I wanted to celebrate, I wanted to make money; and instantly within 5 minutes of being on the floor, I knew I couldn’t do it. I have suffered from depression as far back as I can remember. My childhood was hardly a childhood. Drug addict, criminal parents, I learned very early how dark and mean the world was. How much harder I was going to have to work to physically to become anything, but I was not prepared for the challenges I would face mentally. It is draining, it is exhausting, to not only be trying to overcome just the basic life challenges, but to also be fighting an internal battle with yourself. I turned to pills, weed, coke, alcohol to numb that, or drown it out; but it is only temporary solutions- in the case that they don’t make it worse. I listen to Juice Wrld on my best days and my darkest days. He really knew how to capture that feeling and put it so beautifully in words and then share that pain with the entire world. My life changed when I started listening to Juice. Here is someone speaking his truth, his personal battles, these things so many people suffer from, but don’t project in their music- Like it’s so necessary but I feel people are just too afraid to bring to the light. Juice did that. He didn’t care how the critics might see him or the opinions of others. He brought light to a huge problem others were afraid to speak on. He is forever one of the greatest. He has saved lives, I know because he helped me get through the days I was ready to give up- and he still does. I appreciate being able to tell a little of my story. Even if nobody reads this, thank you for what y’all are doing here. This is what the world needs.
